Thank you

Thank you for those who were there for me.
Thank you, really :')
A few weeks back, I couldn't or didn't see myself in this state now.
Who would have ever known....
I am happy, I feel relieved and free?


I am beyond grateful for you guys, thank you so much.
I feel me again
I feel happy
The time I decided to let it go and start again was the best decision I ever made



THANK YOU

Perspective

This is me letting you go

Someone shared this link(thoughcatalog) on Facebook, It pretty much portrait how I felt.
Well I edited some parts and here is my version...



This is me accepting that you’re leaving. It’s my acknowledgment that there’s no further argument to make, no angle left to take, no plea or bargain I could wager that could get you to change your mind and stay. This is my subtle resignation to our downfall. This is the crack running between my heart that turned into a valley and engulfed me. It’s my acceptance of all I couldn’t bridge.

This is me knowing that we don’t get a do-over – not on the last night I spent asleep beside you or the last time I told you I loved you or the first moment I felt us start to drift apart. I know we don’t always get second chances. I know I do not get to go back in time and kiss you slower, love you stronger, linger five extra minutes in bed every morning that I woke up beside you. This is me knowing that I can’t rewind history and ask you what was wrong. This is me knowing we don’t get to go back.

This is my acceptance that I’m going to miss you. That there are going to be nights where I curl up in bed and your absence on the left side of the bed is a chasm that swells and envelopes me. That for a long time I am going to see you everywhere – in second floor windows, in the faces of strangers, in the photos and memories that tear on my heartstrings for months after you’re gone. This is me missing places we traveled be it local or overseas. Bkk-Hk(ocean park). This is me missing the things we do every weekend, be it the waffles or the tofu rice we always ate, the Peranakan museum we went, those ikea trips.... This is the realization that missing you was killing me.



This is me knowing life goes on. Knowing that someday I will not think of love as a feeling that’s exclusive to you and I, as crazy as that seems to me right now. That eventually I’ll meet someone new – someone who loves the foods you hate and laughs at things you don’t find funny and appreciates the parts of me that you once left undiscovered. That some days, in the early morning hours, I’m going to wake up beside them and forget – just for an instant. This is me knowing that those moments will defeat me – that I’m going to need to practice standing at the edge of your abyss without falling in completely. This is my hoping the discrepancy shrivels with time.

This is my conceptualization: This is my acceptance of the finite absurdity of knowing that I’m someday going to promise my life to someone who is not you and that I may even be happy to do so. That one day I’ll see changes and beginnings in a way I never saw them with you. 

This is me knowing that we’re going to grow old. That your life is going to be huge and important and chockfull of love but that it’s all going to transpire without me. That I am not going to be there to toast to your 50th birthday or cheers to your timely promotion or crawl in beside you on the nights when the world’s weight is too heavy to bear. That your losses and gains will not be lined up with mine. That someday when you hold your first-born child in your arms, it’s not going to be me who placed her there.

This is me knowing that I have to let you go. That no matter how much I love you or how hard I work at this, we are never going to be the right partners for each other. This is my acceptance that the best things are never straightforward and that I want you to take whatever crooked, twisted path you need to take if it will lead you towards your dreams. This is me knowing that I have to do what’s right. That sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go – to do more, feel more, be more than the person they ever could ever have become by your side.


So this is me unclasping my fingers.



This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final gift to you.







This is me letting you go.